Holiday Stress - Are You Prepared?by Kerrie Toole, LICSW
Holidays can be a time of togetherness and celebration for many, while for others, there can be significant amounts of stress and loneliness. This time of year, I often work with my clients to develop a “Cope Ahead” plan for the holidays, so they can be prepared for tensions or stressors that often arise. The first step of creating a “Cope Ahead” plan is to get clear on what your boundaries and limits are, before going into any particular setting. Boundaries are internal facing - these are developed by having self-awareness of where your vulnerabilities or sensitivities are, and what you will or will not do in response to your environment. Limits are external facing - for example, how do you express to someone that you are not comfortable continuing a discussion on a certain topic, or how do you talk with someone about expectations prior to an event. The best way to confidently set boundaries and limits that stick is to be proactive. When we are already in a stressful situation and try to set boundaries and limits in the heat of the moment, our actions may come from a place of overwhelm. If overwhelmed, we may overshoot the mark of what we are trying to accomplish, and then later feel guilty. By creating a structured plan ahead of time, we can avoid going into a holiday event feeling on edge and waiting for that “thing” that often happens that leads us to explode or feel hurt, angry, or sad. Instead, we can have confidence in a rehearsed response, and go into situations expecting to be effective when faced with a challenging interaction. It’s important to note here that sometimes being effective is not necessarily about being “right.” If we try to convince others with a different view that our perspective is “right” and they are “wrong,” usually that results in an argument. That’s probably not the energy we’re looking for during a holiday gathering. So we can ask ourselves, “what is the most effective thing I can do in this situation?” Consider how you want to feel about yourself and your choices. What will make you most proud of yourself? Part of planning ahead of time for the holidays is to have a game plan about what resources you can use during times of stress, and that those resources are available when needed. Here are some of the common questions I ask clients when we are developing their “Cope Ahead” plan for the holidays:
In order to be most prepared in challenging situations, I recommend that people document their “Cope Ahead” plans on their phones or on paper, and keep the plans with them. If you plan to use coping strategies such as a soothing smell, a fidget, coloring, an ice pack for your face to cool yourself down, etc., be sure to bring those items with you. Additionally, having another person to remind you of your “Cope Ahead” plan in the moment could be quite helpful - think of a code word that can be a reminder or a signal that you have effective skills that you can apply. By taking a proactive approach to planning effective responses to stressful situations, holiday events can be more enjoyable (or at least tolerable) this season. Coping Ahead for the HolidaysBy Niamh Smithers, M.A.
Whether you get along with your family, have difficult family relationships, celebrate holidays with friends, or don’t celebrate certain holidays at all, this time of year can bring up a lot of mixed emotions for people. Not only are there often added stressors around finances, relationships, and social obligations, but the time change and colder weather can impact each individual differently. And while each person is unique in how they navigate the stressors involved with this time of year, it can be helpful to prepare a plan ahead of time for how to handle difficult emotions or situations to feel more confident going into these experiences. I often find myself struggling during this time of year due to the lack of sunlight, the colder weather, and the overstimulation involved with holiday shopping, socializing, etc. My family typically hosts Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings, which can make it even more difficult to set limits around how much time I’m spending with family. I find myself wanting to escape to charge my “social battery” when it’s running low more regularly, too. Whether you’re the house hosting, traveling for the holidays, or having a solo stay-cation this winter season, here are some helpful tips to prepare yourself: 1. Manage physical vulnerabilities
2. Check-in with your emotions
3. Make a list of enjoyable activities
4. Make your “escape” plan:
5. Be kind to yourself!
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Castlebrook Counseling Services, Inc. is a group of private practice clinicians with a shared goal of strengthening our community by providing therapy and clinical support designed for children, adults, and families to successfully meet life’s challenges.