Coping Ahead for the Holidays, by Niamh Smithers, M.A.

Coping Ahead for the Holidays

By Niamh Smithers, M.A.

Whether you get along with your family, have difficult family relationships, celebrate holidays with friends, or don’t celebrate certain holidays at all, this time of year can bring up a lot of mixed emotions for people. Not only are there often added stressors around finances, relationships, and social obligations, but the time change and colder weather can impact each individual differently. And while each person is unique in how they navigate the stressors involved with this time of year, it can be helpful to prepare a plan ahead of time for how to handle difficult emotions or situations to feel more confident going into these experiences. 

I often find myself struggling during this time of year due to the lack of sunlight, the colder weather, and the overstimulation involved with holiday shopping, socializing, etc. My family typically hosts Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings, which can make it even more difficult to set limits around how much time I’m spending with family. I find myself wanting to escape to charge my “social battery” when it’s running low more regularly, too. Whether you’re the house hosting, traveling for the holidays, or having a solo stay-cation this winter season, here are some helpful tips to prepare yourself: 

1. Manage physical vulnerabilities

• Eating regularly, drinking enough water, moving your body, taking your medications (if this applies to you), limiting caffeine and prioritizing quality sleep in the days leading up to and following potentially stressful or anxiety provoking situations can help support you in managing intense emotions or conflicts more effectively if/when they arise. Engaging in self-care can support you in proactively reducing your susceptibility to fatigue, illness, mood fluctuations, etc. 

  2. Check-in with your emotions

• Do you experience physical sensations or thoughts that help you in recognizing different emotions? Perhaps your heart rate increases or you have more difficulty regulating your breathing when you’re feeling anxious. Or maybe you get a sinking feeling in your stomach if someone makes a comment that hurts your feelings and leads to negative self-talk thoughts. Identifying your “cues” to different emotions can be a helpful first step for understanding how to regulate those different emotions and feel more confident feeling your way through difficult moments. 
• Some individuals may find it helpful to identify certain family members or topics that are likely to activate intense emotions and collaboratively brainstorm a script or role-play handling those situations with your therapist.

3. Make a list of enjoyable activities

• Sometimes when we are feeling intense emotions, we can forget what tools help us feel better in the moment. Having a list of or access to hobbies or relaxing activities can help to easily remind yourself of ways to boost your mood, decrease anxiety, or take a moment for yourself when there is too much going on around you. Some examples could be: bringing a book to read, planning to go for a walk, coloring activities, listening to music or spending time with your pets.

4. Make your “escape” plan:

• While we are unable to control other people’s actions or words, or sometimes even the environments we find ourselves in during the holidays, we can create a sense of control by coming up with ways to take a moment for ourselves to regroup if emotions or tension rises. 
• For example, sometimes when I am feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated, I will say my dog “needs to go outside” and I will go outside with him. Whether he actually needs to go outside or not, it gives me a second to get fresh air, regulate my emotions, and spend time away from other people. 
• Another example could be: taking a separate car if you are able or collaborating with other family members about what time you’d like to leave before you arrive at various events to feel prepared and honor your limits around spending time with others or in stressful environments.​

  5. Be kind to yourself!

• This time of year can carry a lot of pressure whether societally, from our families, or from ourselves. Practicing positive self-talk and self-compassion can help support you in feeling grounded in yourself. Telling yourself, “I can do hard things”, “I’ve survived 100% of my worst days”, “I am enough just the way I am” or reminding yourself of something you have to look forward to in the future can be a great way to go into this stressful time of year with at least one person in your corner…YOU! 

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