4 Mental Health Metaphors to Get You Thinking DifferentlyLauren Chapin, LICSWThoughts are our daily companions. They are with us when we wake up, as we go about our day, and oh so often when we are trying to fall asleep at night. It is natural for humans to seek pleasure and avoid pain, so when we have a thought that feels uncomfortable or upsetting, we might try to get rid of it by pushing it down or trying not to think about it. Other times, we get wrapped up in these thoughts and let them guide our lives. Below are four metaphors to help interact with and respond to these distressing thoughts a bit differently.
1. The Beach Ball Thoughts are like a beach ball. What happens when you try to hold a beach ball underwater? Chances are, you can keep it down for a bit as the water pressure squeezes in, but as soon as you release your grip, the ball pops into the air. The same can be said for thoughts. For example, have you ever tried not to think about something only to have it pop up later when you’re trying to fall asleep? Pushing thoughts away is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater all day, it’s going to get tiring and it’ll come back up anyway. So what can you do instead? You could throw the beach ball further from you, but chances are it will just keep on floating nearby anyway. The best option is to let go and allow the beach ball to float freely. Although we might not want to keep our difficult thoughts around, the more we struggle with them the more caught up we get. 2. Purple Elephants Try not to think about purple elephants for the next 10 seconds. Ready? Go! How did you do? My guess is that a purple elephant or two might have crossed your mind. This classic metaphor symbolizes an important lesson: you can’t force yourself not to think about something. The very act of trying not to think about something causes you to have to remember what not to think about. Instead, practice noticing when a thought pops into your head, acknowledge its presence, and then try to re-engage in whatever you were doing (repeat as necessary). 3. Backseat Driving Have you ever been annoyed by a pesky passenger telling you how to drive your car? Do you always do what they say? Probably not. Thoughts can be like passengers in your car chirping their input from the back seat. For example, “You shouldn’t go to that party, nobody likes you anyway” or “Don’t leave your house, it’s dangerous out there.” Whatever the passengers are saying, we have a choice to listen to them or not because we are the ones driving the car. Next time your brain is telling you something unhelpful, imagine the thought as one of those passengers; thank them for their input and keep on driving! 4. Junkmail Like junkmail that crowds our inbox, not all thoughts are important enough to read into and analyze. This is quite easy to take care of in your mailbox as you weed through and delete promotional emails you didn’t sign up for. However, when it comes to thoughts, it’s easy to assign meaning to our “junkmail” and save it to the folder marked “priority” instead. For example, someone may have a thought about steering their car into traffic even if they have no desire to do so. While some people will write this thought off as strange or silly, other people may find it distressing and feel fearful that it could mean something about them. Remember that sometimes thoughts are just thoughts and humans are great storytellers, there is no limit to what our brains can come up with. Like junkmail, we don’t have to read (or read into) all of it.
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Managing Holiday Stress: Tips for Setting and Maintaining Healthy BoundariesLauren Chapin, LICSW“No” is one of the first words we learn to say as children. As we grow older, though, it often becomes more difficult to deny what is requested of us. We say yes to staying later at work, yes to a favor for a friend, and yes to last minute weekend plans. While none of these examples are necessarily negative, sometimes we find ourselves overcommitted which can lead to feelings of resentment and exhaustion.
Why is it so difficult to say no? A study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that people who reject a request overestimate the negative consequences of doing so. For example, somebody may believe that they will sour a relationship by declining an invitation to a party, when on average, the reaction would actually be much less severe. Fear of rejection or abandonment also come into play when considering declining an invitation, request, or favor. If you think that somebody might be angry and not want to associate with you anymore, it's much more difficult to say no. Two additional reasons we may find ourselves drowning in commitments are guilt and the fear of missing out (colloquially known as FOMO). We may not want to say no to a favor because it comes from a person who we feel indebted to in some way. Further, if your friends are all getting together, it could be difficult to exclude yourself from the festivities only to hear later about what a great time everybody had. What are boundaries and why should I set them? Boundaries are the metaphorical line that we draw in the sand to signal to others what we are and are not willing to accept, how we wish to be treated, our physical space, our values, and our desires. As it pertains to time or favors, boundaries are a helpful way to exhibit and model self-care around respecting your own time, limitations, and schedule. Setting boundaries around your time also allows you to make space for the people and things that mean the most to you and to foster these connections with deliberate focus. When we are more discerning about where our time goes, we are less likely to feel burnt out or resentful. Boundaries also help us to separate our own needs and desires from those around us and to communicate this separation in a healthy way. Although your family member might want you to do something, if you are unable to or don’t want to, saying no communicates both to you and to them that their desire is not your responsibility. How do I set healthy boundaries? Begin with an honest inventory of why you have difficulty saying no in the first place. Knowing where the problem originates will help you to work through it. Second, identify your values to provide a frame for the tough decisions you have to make when thinking about how to spend your time. For example, if you know that you value family, you can fall back on this value when trying to decide whether to stay late at work or go home for dinner. Once you have a better understanding of what is important to you, the next step is to practice. It takes a lot of effort to change ingrained habits and it will be uncomfortable at first! However, the more consistent you can be with your boundaries, the better the outcome will be as those around you learn what they can expect from you and what you expect from them in return. Sample script for rejecting a request “I appreciate [the invitation, you reaching out, you thinking of me], that sounds like [a good time, something I’d enjoy, fun]. [Unfortunately, Regrettably, Sadly] I [won’t be able to attend/make it, have other commitments, am not available]. I hope [you have a good time, it goes well, we can see each other soon].” If you desire to make plans with this person in the future, you can add “let’s plan something for [insert time here].” If you do not desire to make plans with this person in the future, you do not have to leave the door open. This is part of setting solid boundaries! |
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Castlebrook Counseling Services, Inc. is a group of private practice clinicians with a shared goal of strengthening our community by providing therapy and clinical support designed for children, adults, and families to successfully meet life’s challenges.