Out of The Darkness Walk 2023By Niamh Smithers, M.A.,
Change is hard and change is inevitable. Transitioning out of high school and into college or careers is an often chaotic time. Emotions are complicated and hard to navigate, relationships and friendships are constantly shifting, and finding yourself can become overwhelming. Having mental health support can make a huge difference in processing these changes and improving quality of life and mental health overall. In my sophomore year of college, I found myself living alone in a dorm, too easily isolating myself from friends or social events. It was during this time that I decided to join Active Minds, a campus club that aims to educate and fight the stigma around mental health struggles. By my senior year, I was Vice President and Resource Liaison for the club, which allowed me to help connect students with the right mental health resources on or outside of campus. I also had the privilege of helping to organize the campus Out of the Darkness (OOTD) Walk for two years in a row. Since graduating in 2019, I have continued to created art and merchandise to raise money and awareness for suicide and suicide prevention, even when I could not be present for OOTD walks. Through my experience with Active Minds and previous OOTD walks, volunteering at a suicide hotline, and working in crisis intervention, I have become well versed in the world of suicide, suicidal ideation, and suicide prevention. Here are some of the most recent statistics:
When discussing this sensitive topic, it is important to consider the language we use. The way in which we talk about suicide can have a drastic impact on how other people around us view, approach, or talk about it too. For example, language like “commit” suicide can imply the person is a criminal and did something immoral. While no suicide should be taken lightly, shifting to using the phrase “died by suicide” can allow others to see the occurrance more clearly for what it was–a person who was deeply struggling and felt that ending their life was the only way to relieve that pain. Additionally, encouraging friends and family to steer away from casual phrases of, “I want to kill myself” when discussing an upcoming exam or their favorite sports team losing, can allow people who are truly struggling to be taken more seriously when the topic of suicide is brought up. Another aspect I have learned is that although there are certain groups of people more heavily impacted by suicide, it can affect just about anyone from any age, gender, religion, culture, or background. The Out of the Darkness walk is a reminder that even if suicide has touched or impacted your life, showing up in support of suicide prevention speaks volumes without having to say a word. I was thrilled to be able to join the Castlebrook Counseling Team in person for this year’s Metrowest OOTD Walk. It quickly brought me back to the excitement, the emotion, and the connection I felt in the campus walks I had participated in earlier years. No matter how suicide has touched people’s lives, everyone shows up with positivity and hope–something I believe this world desperately needs more of. Unspoken support comes in the form of a sea of people all walking for suicide awareness and prevention, color coded beads to signify how suicide has touched one’s life, and several sponsor tables offering information and resources for mental health support. Out of the Darkness walks will always have a special place in my heart and it was an honor to walk with Castlebrook’s team. I am looking forward to future walks with this incredible group of people! Getting involved in your local OOTD Walk or other suicide prevention events can be a great way to stay connected and know you are not alone–as cliche as that sounds sometimes. If you or someone you love is struggling with mental health and/or suicidal ideation, don’t heistate to reach out to your local mental health services, connect with a therapist, or dial 988 for extra support.
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Clinician Spotlight: An Interview with Niamh Smithers, M.A.Lauren Chapin, LICSW
Welcome to Castlebrook’s Clinician Spotlight series where I sit down with some of our wonderful therapists for a cozy conversation about work, mental health, and many life tidbits in between! Most recently, I got to know Castlebrook’s newest clinician, Niamh Smithers. Niamh and I explored what it’s like to be a newer therapist (she is a pre-licensed therapist working under the supervision of Castlebrook’s Dr. Valarie Clemente-Crain), her love for art and animals, and her passion for embracing all emotions, not just the “good” ones. Lauren: Hi, Niamh! As one of our newest clinicians, welcome to Castlebrook! What brought you here? Niamh: Although I had other interviews lined up, Castlebrook was the first place I visited in person. I immediately felt drawn to the physical space and the positive energy here. It made me hesitate, thinking I shouldn't just accept the first option I saw. However, as I explored other places, I just loved Castlebrook! The people here are more energized, the space itself is brighter and inviting, and when it came time to make a decision, choosing Castlebrook was a no-brainer. It had everything I was looking for to continue my growth. Lauren: You say that Castlebrook has what you’re looking for, what are you excited about while delving into this field? Niamh: I prioritized supervision and support when considering any job offer. No matter my confidence, knowing that I have a team to back me up with ideas and questions is invaluable compared to everything else that comes with a job. Interestingly, I had my own personal experiences with DBT four or five years ago, and I loved it. When I applied to Castlebrook and saw their focus on DBT, I was super fascinated and interested in becoming a clinician who incorporates DBT principles. While I have a lot of personal, niche area goals that I want to learn about, DBT is among them, and this team is packed with DBT gurus. Lauren: I love hearing about niche areas. What are some of those other pieces that you’ll be bringing to the table? Niamh: When I started in the field, I pigeonholed myself into working with certain diagnoses and age groups. However, when I found myself in an internship working with adults dealing with occurring disorders, I discovered that I had a lot of excitement and confidence about the recovery process, the ins and outs of relapse and recovery, and what that signifies in therapy. My ultimate goal is actually to offer art and animal-assisted therapy. No matter how deeply I’m struggling or what I’m going through, art and animals have always been my anchor down to the ground. I want to be able to bring that to people. The idea of art therapy to me, while there are many ways to interpret it, is that if someone is uncomfortable just sitting and having a conversation, using their hands to create art can actually promote deeper thinking. Personally, I was always more focused in school when I was doodling or keeping my hands busy. For many, traditional talk therapy can be really scary, so having something in between the talking can ease a lot of anxiety for people. Lauren: Absolutely, how else do you create these safe spaces for your clients? Niamh: Starting with the physical aspects, it can be challenging as a therapist to enter a space that doesn’t feel like yours with a client who is also nervous because that energy feeds off of each other. So, I brought in throw blankets, a sign that reads “you can do hard things,” and other personal touches to add to my office. I also plan to bring plants in (I worked at a garden center for 12 years). In terms of verbally creating a space, I’ve grappled with defining my style, but I’ve come to recognize that my style is very relational and conversational. I meet the person where they’re at. With my experience in community mental health, hotlines, and peer support, it gave me a lot of tools to immediately hold space for a person. I think I can be really authentic when I’m with a client, and that’s how I’m going to grow that space into the one I want to create the most. By consistently showing up as myself, a relational therapist, and as someone who is new and always learning, I will keep that space really sacred and open. Lauren: I’d love to hear more about the hotline work and some of your other background. Niamh: I actually started my undergraduate schooling in animal science before finding my way back to psychology. During my undergrad years, I worked at an art studio where I analyzed the work of an artist who struggled with severe mental illness and tried to understand what was being said through her art. I also practiced art therapy with adults with developmental disabilities. I was also able to bring my emotional support animal, helping clients focus by playing with my dog if they were feeling stuck. These experiences emphasized that everyone has unique needs, perspectives, and interpretations of the world. When I entered my master’s program, I was providing peer support through phone, in-person, and Zoom group sessions, sometimes handling up to six groups per day. It was a lot to manage people struggling while you were also cooped up in your house. That taught me a lot of patience and understanding. If people are still coming back and calling, there is something that they’re getting out of it. It taught me that my interpretation of progress might be different to how a client sees progress within themselves. A lot of this work was in crisis management and crisis stabilization, so I think my next step is focusing on deeper work and I see a lot of value in that. Lauren: Outside of work, what are your interests? How do you make sure you’re showing up as your best self? Niamh: Art has always been a big part of that. I’ve been an artist my whole life. My mom tells stories about me drawing before I could walk. I think the process of creating has always brought me comfort. I actually ended up taking my art, something that gives me a lot of support and solace, and started raising money with it for suicide prevention. Art can be very scary sometimes, especially a blank canvas. Being okay with creating and not worrying about the end result, the idea of progress not perfection, process not product, really helped me. I also love to sing, I am a very mediocre ukulele player to supplement my singing, and animals. I love animals. If I could adopt every animal I see outside, I would. Lauren: Is there anything else that you'd want a potential client to know? Niamh: Based on my previous professional experiences, I've had the most exposure to anxiety and depression, but my real jam is emotional regulation and emotional processing. Emotions are really hard and scary a lot of the time, especially because we’re told from a young age that certain emotions are “bad” and that we should only be happy. Everything is very black and white when you’re learning the basics of emotions, and then when you get to adulthood, everything is gray. My favorite thing is becoming friends with the “bad” emotions because emotions aren’t facts, they’re just directions on a road map. Just because you’re feeling mad, it doesn’t mean you’re an angry person. It only means something going on within or around you is not sitting well with your goals or authentic self. Giving room to pause and really sit with those difficult emotions is my favorite thing to do. Anyone willing to explore emotions is already doing half of the work. ****** At the time of this blog post, Niamh is accepting new clients. She is a pre-licensed clinician working under the supervision of Dr. Valarie Clemente-Crain here at Castlebrook. Please fill out the intake form to be contacted. Improve Your Connection: Avoid These Accidentally Damaging ResponsesBy David Polidi, LICSWSometimes we do things - with the best intentions - that derail conversations, and by extension, hurt relationships. Usually, we think we are doing something positive and helping the conversation, but to the other person it can feel the opposite. Here are some common responses that unintentionally hurt conversations.
THE FIX IT RESPONSE In this culture, if something is broken, let’s fix it! Isn’t this what everyone wants? Well, not necessarily! Jumping in to offer advice is an accidental invalidation of that person’s emotions, because the message to them is to stop feeling what they are feeling because it is making YOU uncomfortable. More times than we realize, the other person just wants you to be with them, and help them sit with a difficult emotion. Someone might be thinking, “I am sad right now, and I just want you to know that I am sad. Being with me, and being with this emotion helps me not feel alone.” Resist the urge to fix the problem for them. Instead try something like, “I am here, and I want to know more about your experience. What response would be helpful for you?” BEING RIGHT A lot of times in conversations someone might think, “I can tell we both feel differently about this subject. Let’s take emotion out of it, and just figure out who is right so we can move on.” This assumes a right and a wrong, and then as a result someone feels judged or blamed. It can be very helpful and healing in a conversation to get to a place where all perspectives are valued, and we can hold two opposing sides in a conversation simultaneously. “You are right, and I am right, even though we have different perspectives.” In this way, we can look closer at the needs of each person, and can successfully resolve a situation without accidentally dismissing, blaming, or ignoring. STORY TOPPING A lot of times, we share a story as a way of connecting and sharing something meaningful about ourselves. We build stronger bonds with each when we share vulnerabilities. However, Story Topping is when someone is sharing a perspective or story, and we respond by saying, “Yes, that same thing happened to me, let me tell you all about it…” The intention might not be to shift the conversation to yourself or to try and tell a better story. However, it can feel that things have all of a sudden become competitive. This could even make someone shut down, and not want to hear your perspective. Before jumping to replace the story with your experience, take a moment to just take in the information that someone is sharing and consider what kind of a response they may be seeking from you. QUESTIONING AND PROBING We are not Sherlock Holmes, and we do not need to apply deductive reasoning skills to conversations! If someone is sharing a vulnerable moment, having a barrage of questions thrown at them will feel overwhelming. The person will perceive that they cannot share their perspective authentically because they need to keep answering your questions to satisfy your curiosity. Instead, it can be a lot more effective to be present in the conversation and show interest in their experience, and allow the discussion to go where it wants to. If we focus too much on getting information from them, it can begin to feel like an interrogation. PRAISING Praise can be healing and powerful, however, it can also feel empty and inauthentic if there is no thought and feeling in the praise. To have meaningful praise, it is helpful to explore 3 elements: (1) The specific actions of the other person and how connecting this to attributes you admire or appreciate (2) How these behaviors positively impacted your feelings and (3) A need that you had that was addressed by these actions. All of this leads to a deeper conversation, because it helps the other person feel understood, seen and appreciated. Please remember, it is OK to make mistakes; conversations, like life, are messy! By being aware of some of these roadblocks, you can be more mindful during sensitive discussions, your conversations will feel warmer, and your relationships will be stronger. |
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Castlebrook Counseling Services, Inc. is a group of private practice clinicians with a shared goal of strengthening our community by providing therapy and clinical support designed for children, adults, and families to successfully meet life’s challenges.