What I Wish My Clients Knew Before Coming to Therapy (Part 1)By Lauren Bouyea, LICSWThe decision to begin therapy can be a difficult one for many people. Whether it is the cost, the continued (but improving!) stigma surrounding mental health and mental health treatment, or fear of the unknown, it can be difficult to make that first phone call. While much of what you will learn about therapy will happen in the therapy room, below is a list of some of the things that I wish I could tell all clients ahead of time.
You are the expert on your own life It is a common misconception that therapists give advice. This might be surprising to some, but therapists are specifically trained not to give advice. While it might be tempting to ask your therapist if you should break up with your partner or which school you should apply to, therapy is intended to help you discover the answers to these questions yourself. Whether it is through identifying what you value in life, reviewing consequences of past behavior, or improving decision-making skills, your therapist’s goal is to create the necessary scaffolding for you to eventually work through problems without their guidance. You get out what you put in Another misconception about therapy is that it is something done “to” a person. This perception makes sense, as when you go to another health care professional, they might give you stitches or clean your teeth with little to no input from you. However, when sitting down in the therapy room, be prepared to do some heavy lifting. This is because therapy is done with you not on you. It is common for therapists of all different styles to have some agenda set for the session, but for best results, participation is a must! Plan to go to therapy with at least one thing you want to discuss or gain a better understanding of. On the flip side, if your therapist suggests an exercise that you are not interested in or don’t feel comfortable with, let them know! This helps both of you to work on creating the therapeutic environment and expectations together. Not every therapist will be a good fit It feels frustrating to go through the work of finding a therapist, making an appointment, and attending said appointment only to realize that they are not your cup of tea. Whether it is their therapeutic style, an uncomfortable office environment, or something you can’t quite pinpoint, it’s a common occurrence. If this happens to you, there are a couple of things I want you to remember! First, you will not hurt your therapist’s feelings by letting them know. I always admire a client’s ability to advocate for their needs and am more than willing to refer them to somebody that might be a better match. Second, if you have been seeing this therapist for a while, beware of the sunken cost fallacy. In a nutshell, this occurs when you have invested time and money into a person or thing and therefore have difficulty letting go even if it's in your best interest. Have a conversation with your therapist about what you are experiencing and work through the best course of action together. There are no bad thoughts or feelings Many people come to therapy with some goals in mind such as to be happy, be free from their anxiety, or to stop feeling depressed. However, the goal of therapy is not to get rid of “negative” thoughts, feelings, or mood states. Our internal experiences are not inherently good or bad, they just are. Therapy can help you to connect with these emotional states and experience/respond to them more healthily as being part of any full, human life. Am I saying that feelings of depression, anxiety, or other uncomfortable emotions won’t improve in therapy? Of course not! But we won’t be trying to make them go away, either. We will invite them in for tea, make room for them on the couch, and be in their presence instead of slamming the door in their face. While it is much easier to slam the door, learning to ride the wave of emotion allows our natural feelings to run their course.
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Work From Home Blues: 4 Ways to Care for Your Mental Health On and Off the ClockLauren Bouyea, LICSW The COVID-19 pandemic ushered in an era of unprecedented change in all aspects of life. As businesses closed their doors and people were urged to limit their social contact, many Americans found themselves leaving the office in exchange for setting up shop within their own homes. While many workers prefer working from home, it does come with unique challenges. For some, it can be difficult to separate work from home. Whether this is due to the nature of the job or the environment itself (one-bedroom apartment, anyone?), it is not always easy to strike a balance. If this resonates with you, read on for tips to combat some of the most common difficulties one might encounter in this new normal for over one-third of Americans. 1. Take an actual lunch break Many of us are guilty of this both at the office and at home. Our stomachs are rumbling, the clock is approaching afternoon hours, and we’re trying to find a natural break in the workflow to enjoy lunch. Unfortunately, this break is not always so natural and we end up answering e-mails between forkfuls of last night’s leftovers. While it’s easy to become complacent in routine, there are real benefits to stepping away to enjoy your food. A lunch break affords your brain a midday recharge. Taking a break from any task is associated with increased concentration, motivation, and productivity. Take the Pomodoro technique, for example, which encourages five minute breaks throughout the day with longer 15-30 minute breaks interspersed throughout for peak performance. For an extra mental health boost, experiment with mindful eating free from other distractions. 2. Aim to leave the house at least once per day Whether before, during, or after your work day, make a point to step outside. This is especially important during the winter months when we often wake up in the dark and finish work when the sun has already begun to set. Even sitting on your front stoop or sipping your morning coffee in the backyard is enough to soak in mood-boosting Vitamin D. Leaving the house is also beneficial to combat loneliness - seeing other things beyond your own four walls can serve as a reminder that life is happening all around us and we are not alone. 3. Switch up your work space. Working from home can become redundant or distracting. Thankfully there are many different options available to you if you feel like switching up your scenery. One such option that has grown in popularity are coworking spaces. These are communal spaces you can rent a desk in, often for a monthly fee, to enjoy the benefits of limited personal distractions and the power of social presence. Other spaces outside of the home to consider working from could be a coffee shop, a town or university library, a local park (if you have a hotspot), or even a friend’s house who is also working from home. Whichever location you may choose, you not only reap the social benefits of these spaces, but may also be able to concentrate better due to the ambient background noise which has been linked to increased creativity. 4. Harness the power of rituals The lines of work and home can be further blurred by the convenience of this set-up: you can roll out of bed five minutes before you need to begin your day, work in your pajamas, and end your day exactly where you started it without needing to change location. However, if you find work-life is encroaching on home-life, one way to separate the two is to establish rituals that signify the beginning and end of a work day. Some suggestions for rituals to begin your work day are changing into work clothes, writing a to-do list with tasks for the day, putting your personal phone on silent, or even just the act of logging into your e-mail. As for ways to symbolically switch into home-mode, try playing the same song at the end of each day, change your clothes, physically put your laptop away, or go for a walk. Working from home is beneficial to many, and it is important to regularly check-in with your mental health and make adjustments if needed to get the most out of your day on and off the clock. Lauren Bouyea, LICSWLauren is a licensed independent clinical social worker who completed her undergraduate studies at University of Rhode Island and received her graduate degree from Boston College. Lauren works primarily with adults and older adolescents, and enjoys utilizing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to assist clients in making contact with what they value most in life in order to begin shifting thought patterns and behavior to align with their desired goals. |
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Castlebrook Counseling Services, Inc. is a group of private practice clinicians with a shared goal of strengthening our community by providing therapy and clinical support designed for children, adults, and families to successfully meet life’s challenges.