A Note From the Executive Director: A Kinder, Gentler New Year

A Note From the Executive Director: A Kinder, Gentler New Year

By Kerrie Toole, LICSW

I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions anymore. I found that even with the best intentions and a commitment to change, I usually ended up with a sense of disappointment that things did not easily happen, or guilt and self-judgment that I didn’t have enough “motivation” to keep up with a Resolution. 

Now, I use the New Year as a natural reminder to simply check-in with myself, to determine if I have a balance in my life that works for me. Different stages of life require different levels of energy, and domains of life where we focus that energy. Over time, our priorities change. So, the New Year is a great time for me to reassess. Here are some ways that I like to reframe the idea of a “resolution” to be more compassionate toward myself: 

Resolutions Vs Intentions

Even though it was self imposed, having a “resolution” felt too much like a rule I needed to follow, and this often led to disappointment or frustration when I inevitably had things happen in my life that got in the way of this resolution. So, I have switched to the idea of having an Intention. A hope. A theme. A goal. And this Intention is not “Drink 20 ounces of water every day,” but more of, “Take better care of my health by doing one thing differently each day.” I’m lowering the bar to make it more likely to have success, not beat myself up for a “failure.” 

Small Shifts - 1 % Different

I don’t start off the year with an expectation that I will do something every day, because usually something throws my schedule upside down within the first week! Now, I look at the year as a whole and try to build a theme. If I want to improve my health, I look at where I want to be a year from now and reverse engineer small steps over the months to get there. If I want to spend more time together as a family, I look at small ways to change our routines that can build over the course of the year. One inspiration I got this year about that was from the Martha Stewart “Gentle Reminders” calendar, where Martha shared what routine tasks she has on her schedule over the course of one month. So I used that technique to schedule out different family fun events over the next year, and the kids had to be involved in that brainstorming process. I also factor in that my best intentions will sometimes get thrown out the window, and that this is not a failure of motivation or commitment, this is how life goes. 

If starting therapy is one of your Intentions for 2024, this is a great time to begin! The process of therapy is a journey, and at times it can be a challenging one when we approach patterns or obstacles in our lives that we have been unaware of or ignoring. There is no true “quick fix,” and as I like to say to clients, we therapists do not have a magic wand to make things better for you (we wish we did, though!!!), we are only guides along your path. 

​So, if the turn of the new year has found you in a point of self reflection, be kind to yourself, be accepting of yourself, and make a commitment to small, 1%-different steps toward change that are sustainable.