October 15th, 2022

What I Wish My Clients Knew Before Coming to Therapy (Part 2)

By ​Lauren Bouyea, LICSW

    The decision to begin therapy can be a difficult one for many people. Whether it is the cost, the continued (but improving!) stigma surrounding mental health and mental health treatment, or fear of the unknown, it can be difficult  to make that first phone call. While much of what you will learn about therapy will happen in the therapy room, below is a list of some of the things that I wish I could tell all clients ahead of time.


Your therapist has probably been in therapy too.

Many clients assume that because I am a therapist, I must have my life all figured out! This can contribute to assumptions that therapists don’t make mistakes and that they are going to judge you for yours. This could not be farther from the truth! 

In fact, many therapists are either in their own therapy or have been in the past. This is not only because therapists inherently see the value in therapy, but also because they have human struggles. Sometimes, this is even a requirement of certain therapy programs to begin practicing. 


Rome was not built in a day.

How long does therapy take? That definitely depends who you ask and what you are personally looking for. There are many styles of therapeutic practice, from brief interventions to lifelong psychodynamic work. With this ambiguity, it is easy to become frustrated or hopeless if you feel you are not making progress at the rate you expected. If this happens to you, remember that Rome was not built in a day. In other words, the difficulties and problems that brought you to therapy are issues that you have likely been dealing with for quite some time. It makes sense that it will take a bit of time to tease apart and rearrange the internal world that you’ve spent a lot of time living in. Be patient and compassionate with yourself throughout the process! We all move at our own pace. 

Therapy is a relationship. 

​The relationship between therapist and client is unique and important. In fact, research shows that the strength of this relationship is positively correlated with progress and outcomes. This makes sense since it is easier to open up to somebody who you feel is non-judgmental, compassionate, and understanding. Although the therapeutic relationship has different ethical boundaries than your everyday friendships and social ties, you will find some similarities too. For example, like in any relationship, you may feel frustrated or angry with your therapist at times. While it can be difficult or uncomfortable, feeling angry with your therapist is the perfect opportunity to practice interpersonal skills, communication, and repairing ruptures in trust in a safe, controlled environment. I encourage you to check-in every so often on how the relationship is developing and share these insights with your therapist.