How to Tell Your Therapist That Sessions Have Gone Stale By Lauren Chapin, LICSW
Whether you’ve been in therapy for a few months or a few years, there may come a time when sessions feel less helpful than they once did. Maybe over time, discussions have felt more casual than focused, or perhaps you’ve found yourself giving a monotonous play-by-play of your week during each meeting. No matter what has made your sessions grow stale, addressing this with your therapist is the best way to change course. But how? Go Back to the Beginning One way to get things moving and grooving again is to revisit your original goals for therapy. Often, when someone embarks on the therapy journey, one of the first questions they’re asked is, “What brings you here today?” Do you remember your answer? Perhaps you realize that your goals were never actually solidified. That’s okay! This is a great opportunity to let your therapist know that you’d like help working on your goals for treatment in a more concrete way. On the other hand, you may find that you’ve made substantial progress with your original goals and can spend time reviewing your progress and identify fresh areas for growth. Remember, your treatment plan is like a living, breathing document. It’s something to return to with your therapist whenever you feel off track as a reminder of your original goals. But Goals Are Hard It’s easy enough to say, “Identify some goals!” but harder to actually put that into practice. If you’d like a headstart on this before bringing the issue to your therapist, it might be helpful to do a personal inventory. Think about some of the different domains in your life such as health, relationships, career, education, leisure, or spirituality. For each category you identify, rate your personal satisfaction with that area on a scale of one to five with one being “This area needs major damage control” and five being “I am thriving.” Once you’ve set your ratings, prioritize one or two areas of your life that could use the most attention and care. Sometimes, it may feel like problems are crawling out of the woodwork from all areas. That may be true, but spreading your focus too thin may impede progress. Think of this like building a house. The roof will eventually need to be built too, but right now you’re still pouring the concrete. Change in Frequency How often are you finding yourself in the therapy chair? If you have been seeing your therapist weekly for quite some time, this could be an opportunity to scale back sessions to biweekly and test out all of your new coping skills in between. On the other hand, maybe you’ve been seeing your therapist biweekly or monthly already and this is disrupting continuity for you. Towards the end of each session, many therapists will ask when you would like to come back. This would be the perfect time to discuss any questions or concerns you may have about switching up the frequency of your visits and receive feedback. Can I Have Homework? Did you ever think you’d be the one requesting a homework assignment? Probably not. Homework allows you to solidify what you have learned. Whether that’s by practicing a new skill, reflecting on an idea or question, or following through on a weekly goal, homework helps to keep the work going in between sessions. It also gives you a ready-made topic to discuss during your next meeting–the work will be less stale in no time. Together with your therapist, come up with something you’d like to focus on before you see them again. Communicate Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, practice communicating your needs to your therapist. This can feel scary and confrontational, so it may be easier to review old goals and identify new ones, switch up session frequency, or ask for homework without ever saying why this is important to you. However, take this as an opportunity to advocate for yourself in a safe space. A lot of therapy is what you make of it and if your therapist doesn’t know that you’re feeling stagnant, you may not see timely improvement.
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3 Places to Relax in Metrowest, MA if You Have AnxietyLauren Chapin, LICSW
The anxious brain can be likened to the backyard bumblebee; buzzing around, darting quickly from place to place, and when fearful enough, stinging us. Unlike our friendly neighborhood pollinators, however, the places our brains fly to are not always as welcoming (or as helpful!). Getting caught up in our anxious thoughts can limit our ability to engage with the world around us. Have you ever been in a conversation with a friend and suddenly found yourself a million miles away thinking about something that hasn’t even happened yet? Me too. While it is difficult to pull ourselves into the present moment when anxiety takes hold, it is beneficial that we do so to give our brains a break from the constant teeter-totter between past and future. One great way to do this is to engage our senses through nature. If you find yourself in need of a brain-break, check out some of these beautiful spots around Metrowest! Rocky Narrows, Sherborn Sitting on 274 acres, Rocky Narrows in Sherborn is known as the “Gate of the Charles.” Whether it be to hike their 7 miles of trails, have a picnic, or take a leisurely stroll along the river, this is a great spot to unwind. See if you can notice the smell of the pine trees, hear the rush of water, or touch their ancient cliff walls (650 million years old!). Rocky Narrows is free to the public and allows dogs both on leash and off. Dogs are notoriously good at being in the present moment. Bring along your furry friend and see if you can imagine what it must be like to experience the park from their perspective. For an added bonus, rate your anxiety before and after on a scale of 1-10; did you notice any difference? Garden in the Woods, Framingham This next location gives you a chance to stop and smell the flowers; quite literally! At the Garden in the Woods in Framingham, a mile-long path loops through the botanical gardens, taking about an hour to an hour and a half to complete. Here, you are met with the opportunity to take in the sights and smells of the local flora of our region. To bring yourself into the present moment, see if you can complete the rainbow with the colors around you. If you’re anything like me, you may still have some difficulty connecting due to all of that brain chatter, and that’s okay! One unique feature of this garden space is that they offer seasonal guided audio tours through their app. Pop in your earbuds and try to focus on the content of the tour; you may be surprised at how immersive the experience is. Of note, there is an admission fee with a discount for children and seniors (free for children under 5). Also, this time we’ll unfortunately be leaving our dogs at home as they do not allow animals. Noon Hill, Medfield If a view is what you’re after, Noon Hill is the perfect place to find it. Standing 370 feet at its peak, Noon Hill overlooks the surrounding towns of Walpole and Norfolk (you can even see Gillette stadium in the distance!). As you ascend, a Spring climb will have you winding through a forest floor covered in wildflowers. In the Fall, the Birch and Beech trees that litter the landscape offer a beautiful display of New England foliage. With four and a half miles of hiking trails on this 204 acre property, there is plenty of space and time to stroll and reflect. Alternatively, there are more strenuous paths to take as well if a bit of cardio is in order. Exercise is a beneficial part of managing anxiety as it aids in concentration, decreases overall body tension, improves mood, and positively impacts sleep. If you don’t feel up to a more rigorous climb, that’s okay too! According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, even a 10 minute walk may be just as beneficial as a 45 minute work out. Whether you choose a river walk, a flower garden, or a hill-hike, these beautiful areas offer you the opportunity to unplug and recharge. Book Recommendation for Couples: Us by Terrance RealBy David Polidi, LICSW
If you have answered “Yes” to any of these questions, I have a book recommendation for you: Terrence Real’s book, simply titled, Us. The book consists of a multitude of tools and concepts to help one feel closer to his/ her/ their partner. It includes many case examples of ways couples implemented these tools to improve their connection. One of the tenets of the book is that couples need to view themselves as an “Us” and no longer as a “me and you.” When stuck in a feeling of “me and you,” according to the author, there is more blame and feelings of “I am right, you are wrong.” In fact, Real goes on to say, “there is no place for objective reality in personal relationships.” To me, this translates as: There is no “right” and no “wrong,” the only thing that matters is how we feel, and both perceptions are correct and valid. When we are focused on “Us” both of our experiences matter and should be honored. For someone like me, who bee-lines over to the psychology section in a bookstore to look through all of the new titles of the self-help books on the shelf, this book does not disappoint. Bruce Springsteen even weighs in, at the beginning of the book, to lend his support to it. Springsteen described how the book helped guide him through his own failures buried deep in his personal life. If you are looking for an interesting discussion on ways to navigate through relationship struggles, and are looking for a new book to add to your “to-read” list, I invite you to check out this book, and see if it is something you would like to read. Maybe this could be just the thing to help you and your partner move into a relationship of “Us” for the new year. David Polidi, LICSW David is a licensed independent clinical social worker who completed his undergraduate studies at Clark University and received his graduate degrees from Boston University. David works primarily with adults and older adolescents, and enjoys using Motivational Interviewing and EMDR therapy to help clients increase hope and imagine/ realize a better future. |
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Castlebrook Counseling Services, Inc. is a group of private practice clinicians with a shared goal of strengthening our community by providing therapy and clinical support designed for children, adults, and families to successfully meet life’s challenges.